A few months ago in our combined Relief Society/Preisthood meeting, we talked about guidelines for our families with regards to the internet. These types of meetings can be filled with multiple opinions, questions, and some paranoia. It was certainly a good discussion and I learned a lot from everyone.
We are all wanting our families to be safe. We would never let our child drive a car without being the right age with a license and operating instructions, nor would we allow our toddler to play with matches or knives. Letting our kids have access to the internet, especially on a personal device, can be even more dangerous as images and words are burned into their virtuous minds. Without some knowledge as parents and guidelines for our children, we can be very vulnerable.
Our bishop told us that one young man came to visit him and said “Bishop, it’s a relief to me when my parents pull up into the driveway after leaving me home alone with internet access. I have temptations and I need limits and I need my parents supervision.”
It’s our job to set limits. More than likely, our kids even want them. It’s our job to creep; to know what our kids are doing, who they are interacting with on these devices and what social media accounts they have. It is not an invasion of their privacy. It’s called parenting.
We have 5 children ranging in ages from 6-16. For us, screen time has become something we are having to start managing a little more. It’s now far more than television and computer. The older two have iPhones and the middle two have iPods and the 6-year-old uses whatever he can get his hands on. You can judge if you want to, but our children use their devices to communicate with their friends, listen to good music, and read their scriptures on as well as many other good things. We don’t mind that they have them (when they follow the guidelines set out below), and they have been a wonderful tool to communicate with our kids. It has been very handy. However, we have settings and apps installed to keep close tabs on how they are being used. We can even see where they are with the “Find My Friends” app.
The older two had to sign a 3-page contract before they received their phones for Christmas last year. Even with all the eye-rolling, they knew it was a good idea and were willing to sign. We even made them read it out loud, paragraph by paragraph. It’s been a good thing for them, and us as parents, to refer to as needed. Feel free to download our legal-schmegal contract HERE. You can tell your kids it was drafted by a lawyer (my hubby) and it’s binding!
My view is if we want our children to learn how to use these devices correctly, we must teach them and supervise them – but most importantly – consistently teach and model how to use technology for good. Some of us may feel like doing an internet lock-down and putting their devices under the tires of the family vehicle when we think about our kids with technology and the dangers that are out there, but that is not the way either, as Elder Bednar teaches in his recent BYU address. In his talk, To Sweep The Earth As With A Flood, he explains how we must use the internet to spread the gospel. This can be a perfect 42 minute *Family Home Evening where Elder Bednar does the lesson. I cannot say enough good things about this talk. It was eye opening and powerful.
Our kids have work to do and we, as parents, must show them how to do it the right way using these tools. We cannot be apathetic. We must be actively engaged in using these marvellous technologies ourselves to spread goodness in a darkened world and teach our children how to do the same.
After church on Sunday, we had a family counsel and came up with a more detailed list of guidelines for our family’s screen time use. We had some general rules, but it was time to hone in on a few more. I believe this screen time topic is something that families should address often as a reminder of what should (and shouldn’t) be happening. As my children mature, I believe that these guidelines will be very normal for them to adhere to into adulthood. As tough as rules are to enforce sometimes, we will be glad we set limits.
All the best to YOU in these challenges!!
